An effective exercise that any couple can use after a conflict can strengthen your relationship by helping you reconnect.
Dear couples,
Conflict is normal in every relationship, whether things are going well or not.
Couples in healthy relationships turn conflicts into opportunities to nurture their relationship.
Partners in happy relationships are people who, when they notice tension beginning to rise, can take a step back, ask what is playing out in that moment, and stop the pattern.
Once you have stopped the pattern, take responsibility for your own contribution to the argument and for the behaviours that escalated the tension.
Own your feelings and recognise the underlying emotions beneath the anger or disgust that both you and your partner show on the surface (these are usually helplessness, fear of loss, loneliness, or disappointment).
Acknowledge that the negative cycle you are caught in at that moment shapes the emotions you experience.
Ask your partner how they feel.
Share your deepest, most sensitive feelings with your partner, the ones that leave you feeling most vulnerable.
And whatever happens, remember that you are “on the same team”.
If you find yourselves saying things like “When tension starts to rise, we can’t stop it or calm down physically” or “We suddenly explode and can’t take a break!”, you should consult a couples therapist to work on the skills needed to manage these difficulties.
