Anger, like every other emotion (joy, sadness, fear, etc.), is linked to our thoughts.
Why do we get angry?
For example, when you think “they’re treating me like a fool” about someone trying to cut in front of you in traffic, this naturally makes you angry. This thought stems from your core beliefs, which are your beliefs about yourself, other people and the world.
The core beliefs of people who struggle with anger include thoughts such as “I am inadequate, I am weak, people are bad, they are self-serving.”
For example, intermediate beliefs emerge, such as “If I appear weak, people may take advantage of me; if I don’t respond to unfair treatment, it will continue.”
Anger is linked to our expectations
For example, thoughts such as “this is unfair to me, they shouldn’t have done this to me” are linked to your expectations of the other person. People do not have to behave a certain way simply because you expect them to.
Feeling anger is natural, just like any other emotion, and unlike aggression, it can be expressed appropriately.
What strategies should you start with when learning to cope with anger?
The first step is to build awareness by writing down what happened after each episode of anger.
It is helpful to make a list of what you gain and what you lose by being angry, and to work through these points.
How is anger treated?
Remember that anger is not an emotion people readily want to let go of. It makes people feel powerful and believe they are defending what is right. For this reason, the individual first needs to develop an internal motivation to change, based on recognising that anger is not helping them.
Finally, there is no form of therapy or treatment that involves “letting your anger out, shouting, screaming and smashing things.”
The healthy approach is to undergo an effective course of psychotherapy.
