Whether love is an addiction has always been a subject of debate. Researchers who support the view that love is an addiction emphasise that falling in love activates the brain’s reward centres, much as substance addiction does.
Some approaches view love as an obsession, compulsive behaviour or even an impulse control disorder. Some studies have found that impulsive behaviour and novelty seeking are common in love addiction. Other studies report that states resembling addiction occur in the early stages of romantic love (the first 6 months), but change as the relationship progresses.
The early stages of love are known to involve intense euphoria (elation), an excessive focus on the partner, obsessive thoughts about them, increased energy, emotional dependence and a state of withdrawal and craving in the partner’s absence. In later stages, these symptoms can be said to give way to greater balance, calm and trust.
What happens in our brains when we fall in love?
When we fall in love, hormones such as dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins, noradrenaline and vasopressin are released in our brains, triggering a biochemical process. Dopamine plays a primary role in brain processes associated with passion, desire, elation and addiction. As these activated dopaminergic pathways continue to function, serotonin levels begin to fall; appetite decreases, risky choices become more frequent, and obsessive behaviours and thoughts increase. As in obsessive-compulsive disorder, reduced serotonin levels lead to obsessive thoughts about the person one is in love with.
Oxytocin and vasopressin, known as bonding hormones, are also known to increase in romantic relationships. Imaging studies of people in love show findings similar to those seen in addiction. As with substance withdrawal, the physical and psychological states and depressed mood experienced when separated from or abandoned by the object of one’s love are also associated with withdrawal.
Although opinions differ on these similarities and differences, research shows that love resembles substance addiction in its early stages but diverges from it over time.
Does love addiction exist?
Looking at the literature, the idea that a person could become addicted to people, just as they can to substances, was first raised in 1975. An addictive relationship can become a condition that seriously affects a person’s life, limits their daily activities and virtually cuts them off from life. In an addictive relationship, a person may place the individual they are addicted to at the centre of their life, making them their priority and abandoning all other interests/pursuits. This type of addictive relationship involves an obsessive preoccupation with the other person and excessive interference in their life.
The person who is addicted finds it difficult to end the relationship, even when it harms them and causes them pain. In this addictive romantic relationship, the individual cannot break away even when they recognise the harm it causes them, their social relationships and occupational functioning may suffer, and they may focus solely on their partner’s interests.
Similar to addiction to psychoactive stimulants
Research shows that love addiction most closely resembles addiction to psychoactive stimulants. A person addicted to love is frequently preoccupied with romantic thoughts, fantasies and behaviours. The individual often idealises the person they are in love with and addicted to, and may experience elation in their presence and severe emotional withdrawal, a low mood, loss of control and risky behaviours in their absence.
One of the most striking features of an addictive relationship is a decline in the person’s sense of security, self-worth and self-esteem, along with an attempt to escape these negative states by becoming attached to the other person.
In a healthy relationship, individuals see the emotions they experience as something they share, whereas in an addictive relationship, the relationship becomes more of a means of meeting one person’s expectations and needs. The person gives themselves entirely to the other person, reacts excessively to their partner or the relationship, and develops unrealistic expectations of their partner or the relationship.
Craving in love addiction
‘Without you, I am nothing, I think about you constantly, I cannot live without you…’ This is a state of intense longing for a partner, much like craving a substance, and of experiencing an irresistible desire. Particularly when love is rejected, the person experiences feelings of devastation, exhaustion and suffering. For someone experiencing craving, that partner is the sole source of meaning in their life. All their thoughts, feelings and attention are focused on that person.
Tolerance is observed to develop during this process of addiction; the person wants more interest, more attention and more sacrifice from their partner. They are more concerned with their partner than with themselves and spend most of their time monitoring their partner’s actions and activities. They spend most of their energy keeping their partner under control.
